Before reading this, I mean this in no way, shape or form to be taken offensively. These are my own reveling thoughts based on my experiences that have unveiled such a foreboding perspective. But to say the least, I feel like some of my conveyed thoughts unravel some good points— ‘thinkers’ as I like to call them.
Marriage— What does that word mean to you?
Getting married is what most girls dream about…ever since they were lied to as children and were told they were a princess. (Fun fact: I was never told this)
Prince Charming will come and sweep you off your feet!
But even if they weren’t told all of that nonsensical yarn, it’s usually what girls look forward to in life—the happily ever after, the fairytale. There’s nothing wrong with that! Everyone is allowed to be a little delusional from time to time.
Okay, I will tone down the cynicism a bit.
When you find someone you love, you just can’t get enough of them and you naturally want to take it to the next level; The this is it, this is the one level. The level of being ‘official’ because being in love and loving someone with your deepest affinity just isn’t enough. This is where I stand on the defense side of the field when it comes to making love official with marriage. Not only are you vowing to spend a lifetime with your mate, you are legally binding your finances, identity, and well, everything. Not to mention, increasing the chances for divorce by 100%. (If you don’t get married, you can’t get a divorce!)
From my experiences, being in weddings were a hassle– I won’t sugar coat it. Not just for me, for everyone. There was probably only one genuine happy moment during the whole process and before you know it, you’re intoxicated after the first dance because that’s when the open bar is usually initiated!
That’s another point. Every time you hear about a wedding, don’t you almost always get the question that follows?— “Is it open bar?”
Yes, exactly. People begin this magic carpet ride by worrying about if they can get drunk in order to enjoy this beautiful matrimonial ceremony. Because, that is pretty much what they’re asking. To make sure this is going to be worth their precious time.
“Oh, they are getting married finally? Nice.”
“But wait, is there going to be free booze? Hell yeah, I’ll be there!”
Another thing that doesn’t exactly soothe my soul when it comes to marriage is one of the biggest of my concerns which are the expectations. This can go hand in hand with a wedding and an actual marriage. Starting with the wedding; the bride makes all of these appointments: hair practice appointment, make up practice appointments, then the actual hair appointment, then the actual make up appointment, nail appointment, cake tastings, menu tastings, guest lists, venue visits, wedding registry, floral appointments, decor rentals, hiring a DJ or band, arguing with your soon to be spouse about that decision, alcohol preferences, invitation to like 5 pre-wedding festivities, the actual wedding invitation, finding the perfect dress, and all of the other plans and appointments that takes a year to plan that will only last 5 hours! AND, most likely arguing with your soon to be spouse about those decisions because it’s only YOUR day, right?
Oh, I forgot the grooms’ responsibilities: picking up his suit…
Typing all of that gave me a surge of anxiety. But relatively speaking, that is a list of expectations. A huge list that ensures a lifetime of happiness… The worry, the anxiety, the time and efforts that are put into a wedding seem exhausting and treacherous. Oh, and I forgot the money. Ha! All for a few hours. Marriage is a social ritual that we are born into expecting a happy ending. If you want a happy ending, go get a professional Asian erotic massage…
Not all weddings have to be this way, I am aware of this. But I am comparing the popular mindset and actual experiences I’ve witnessed, to my own ideals.
Okay, let’s talk about the actuality of being married and what that ‘entails’.
Again, marriage— the form of this institution under which two people have established their decision to live faithfully committed to each other by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc.
I guess that can be somewhat lovely.
But going back to expectations, they seem to magically change after merging last names. Why? It seems like more of a punishment rather than a happily ever after. I’m not going to talk about everything that can and does change after getting married because I think you know what I’m talking about.
Again, not all couples have this problem but I do see and hear this a lot.
Back to my question: Marriage— What does that word mean to you?
I will say that to me marriage is what I would ultimately make of it. My first memory wasn’t seeing my parents together and happily married. Rather, it was the meeting spot they both met at to drop me off because they shared me in a joint custody— they were divorced shortly after I turned two years old. I never really had an example of a good or a bad marriage, therefore, I will create my own perception based on the experiences around me. And, I have.
I am not religious, nor am I accustomed with the need of sharing a bank account with someone. Getting married is pretty much those two binding factors that constitutes that sort of unity between two people. The traditional definition of marriage doesn’t comply with my beliefs and values.
Do I ever want to get married? Probably not.
Do I want to be with someone whole-heartedly and spend my lifetime experiences with them? Of course.
If marriage meant everything positive and makes for an amazing adventure with my mate, then sign me up! I’m not your average traditional broad, nor am I ever wanting to supplement someone else’s life with expectations and a ball and chain.
I just want love, to give love, to be in love, and create a journey full of love, because love is what I do.
Think about it.